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Thoughts, please?

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Thoughts, please?

Post  Xenos on Tue Nov 09, 2010 11:49 am

Ok, so, it's November, and that means it's NaNoWriMo time. I've been working on a bit of a steampunk alternate history type story, based around the Second American Revolution lasting for three decades. It's got a very political vibe to it, but it's actually going to end up being mostly a romance. I know this is all really disjointed (and that's because I'm medicated and sleep-deprived), but I'd like to know what you guys think of this short little introduction (remember, it's an ALTERNATE history, so I have taken a few liberties)...

---

Dockside Nights

The Introduction- America, But Not as She Should Be:

In April of 1861, armies of the so-called "Confederate States of America," attacked Fort Sumter in South Carolina. That would begin the Second American Revolution.

Both sides fought bloody battles, but after the South took heavy losses at Gettysburg, it was apparent that, outnumbered and underequipped, the North would prevail. On April 9th, 1865, at Appomattox Courthouse, the Southern States surrendered. It seemed as if America would survive.

Then, five days later, the Confederate spy John Wilkes Booth shot and killed President Lincoln. In retaliation, Andrew Jackson captured and hanged "the trator" Jefferson Davis, whom he had deemed the mastermind behind the plot. Two days after that, the Confederate army, led by General Braxton Bragg, and equipped with wepons the likes of which had never been seen before, took the nation's capitol by storm.

In battle after bloody battle, the Union was consistantly pushed back, all the way to the Pennsylvanian boarder.

It was there, in the Second Battle of Gettysburg, the Union unleashed their new arsonal, once again crushing the Confederate Army in the field.

The war would drag on for twenty-six years.

With America in ruins from a three decade war, the supplier of arms for both sides made it's move, taking power, and effectivly ending democracy as we know it.

The entire war had been planned, orchistrated, and executed by the Socialist Advancement Association, led by a scientest known only as "The Architect," just so they could take power.

America lay in ruins, Lincoln assissinated, Davis hanged as a trator, democracy dead.

That was 27 years ago. Now, in 1918, America is isolated. War has torn at Europe for four years, the Germans are pushing forward every day. America dare not get involved, the fires of our own bloody revolution still burn to brightly.

"In God We Trust, All Others, We Monitor! Hail the Slaa, Hail the Architect!"

---

Well, there you have it... Thoughts? All comments are welcome, but be gentle, please, it's my first time doing something NOT Fantasy or Sci-Fi! Very Happy

Also, there's alot more I've written, but it's all about the two "lovebirds" in the story, since it IS supposed to be a romance...

If you guys like the idea, please, please, PLEASE let me know!

Xenos
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Re: Thoughts, please?

Post  Helios on Tue Nov 09, 2010 2:30 pm

Sounds pretty good! Just a few things, though. World War One would have been lost by Germany with or without the US involvement. They were simply over extended right from the opening battles of the war. Unless, of course, they have been armed by the Architect and Socialist Advancement Association, or the like.
Also, the United States was hardly the only place democracy existed. We had it down here in NZ, as well as up in both the UK and Canada.
But those are pretty minor points, and feel free to ignore them if you think your story works better without them. Smile

Helios
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Re: Thoughts, please?

Post  Xenos on Tue Nov 09, 2010 11:20 pm

Helios wrote:Sounds pretty good! Just a few things, though. World War One would have been lost by Germany with or without the US involvement. They were simply over extended right from the opening battles of the war. Unless, of course, they have been armed by the Architect and Socialist Advancement Association, or the like.
Also, the United States was hardly the only place democracy existed. We had it down here in NZ, as well as up in both the UK and Canada.
But those are pretty minor points, and feel free to ignore them if you think your story works better without them. Smile

I'd like to thank you, you've given my the idea to take this BEYOND the scope of what I had set out... Originally, it was going to end with a (SPOILER) and then the main character and leading lady would (SPOILER), and that would be the end of me working in this universe.

NOW, I feel I have an OBLIGATION to write about the war in Europe (admittedly, I know next to NOTHING about World War I, other than it pretty much started with the First and Second Balkan wars...), and indeed, how the Slaa (cool sounding abv. form of Socialist Advancement Association-I actually came up with the NAME to match the Acronym!), under the leadership of the Architect are sticking their fingers in THAT pie, too...

But that's a story for another time... I've still got 45,000 words to write about the romance between Xenos and Victoria (while alluding to the political unrest and perhaps hint at a rebellion)! Very Happy

On the note of democracy being dead, I only ment in America. Sorry about that! What a Face

Again, thanks kindly for the review, and thank you SO much for the ideas! farao cherry santa rendeer queen geek jocolor (why cant BG have that many faces?!?!)

Xenos
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