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I've written a steampoem!

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I've written a steampoem! Empty I've written a steampoem!

Post  Captain McCannon Mon Sep 15, 2008 5:02 am

Bemoaning the loss of innocence and adventure, as you will see...
P.S Yes, I did make up words. :3

-
Back Then It Seemed Easy

to lift and sail vertical, into the astronomical
the aeronautical, drizzle meteorites like goldleaf onto milling seas
Now thin veneer of cloth and crew seem unable to hold up to
iron giants, twin colossals of reality and knowledge
Something bigger, hurling headfirst into a hole of sky
Sick with knowing what's on the other side
I'd go anywhere to escape the closing world that contages every continent it touches
and thwart growing up, that mustachioed fiend! that vaudevillain,
some days, it seems all to easy.
Captain McCannon
Captain McCannon
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Registration date : 2008-09-13

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Post  Ben Hudson, Esq. Tue Sep 16, 2008 7:44 pm

I quite like it Smile If I were you I'd shift the 'to' on the end of line 3 to the start of line 4, but otherwise rather nice. And I really like the word 'vaudevillain'!

Ben Hudson, Esq.
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Post  Gentleman of Fortune Thu Sep 18, 2008 1:19 am

I really like this alot, it seems to me like the speaker is musing on their childhood fantasies with a sense of nostalgia over the carelessness one has at such an age....and yet it seems that maybe the speaker knows you never truly have to give up such wild imaginings in order to grow up. Anyway, I think it's great and really invokes a feeling of adventure and anxious excitement of discovery (if that makes sense).

Great job!

Gentleman of Fortune

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Post  heavyporker Sun Oct 05, 2008 8:58 pm

Two things I wanted to comment about on your nice poem...

- what is "contages"?

- Methinks you meant "too" on that last line, no "to". Important distinction.

heavyporker
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