Latest topics
» Gateway Timeout Errorsby von Corax Wed Dec 20, 2023 2:06 am
» We seem to be down again
by von Corax Sun Sep 24, 2023 3:42 pm
» Yet Another Upgrade: Saturday, 2 September 2023
by von Corax Sat Sep 02, 2023 9:58 pm
» Major Announcement: The Great Migration is Done!
by von Corax Sat Aug 19, 2023 9:13 pm
» If you're attempting to register at Brass Goggles…
by von Corax Fri May 26, 2023 5:30 am
» My Account on the Main Forum Has a Problem; Need Help
by Sorontar Fri Apr 28, 2023 5:57 pm
» Sceduled Server Maintenance
by von Corax Fri Feb 03, 2023 6:02 am
» Major Software Upgrade Wednesday June 8, 2022
by von Corax Thu Jun 09, 2022 6:23 pm
» Writing a Book...!
by Sarahsteam Fri Apr 01, 2022 10:26 am
» Subject: STEAMPUNK!
by Bartholomew Thatch Sat Feb 26, 2022 1:17 am
» Scheduled Maintenance Saturday Feb 19, 2022 @ 12:00 Noon EST
by Lazaras Sun Feb 20, 2022 12:49 am
» New Brass Goggles Administrator
by Xenos Thu Feb 10, 2022 7:21 am
» New member introduction thread.
by Avalon Skyboat Wed Feb 09, 2022 4:24 am
» Unexpected Change of Nationality?
by Xenos Tue Feb 08, 2022 6:34 pm
» How was your day thread (continued)
by Xenos Tue Feb 08, 2022 6:06 pm
» We Have Reached Peak Beard!
by Xenos Tue Feb 08, 2022 10:45 am
» Choose your Favorite Spare Goggles Emoticon!
by von Corax Tue Feb 08, 2022 2:02 am
» I hereby declare this a wizard-free zone
by The Corsair Mon Feb 07, 2022 3:29 am
Statistics
We have 731 registered usersThe newest registered user is vastfrontierz
Our users have posted a total of 8204 messages in 708 subjects
Thoughts, please?
2 posters
Page 1 of 1
Thoughts, please?
Ok, so, it's November, and that means it's NaNoWriMo time. I've been working on a bit of a steampunk alternate history type story, based around the Second American Revolution lasting for three decades. It's got a very political vibe to it, but it's actually going to end up being mostly a romance. I know this is all really disjointed (and that's because I'm medicated and sleep-deprived), but I'd like to know what you guys think of this short little introduction (remember, it's an ALTERNATE history, so I have taken a few liberties)...
---
Dockside Nights
The Introduction- America, But Not as She Should Be:
In April of 1861, armies of the so-called "Confederate States of America," attacked Fort Sumter in South Carolina. That would begin the Second American Revolution.
Both sides fought bloody battles, but after the South took heavy losses at Gettysburg, it was apparent that, outnumbered and underequipped, the North would prevail. On April 9th, 1865, at Appomattox Courthouse, the Southern States surrendered. It seemed as if America would survive.
Then, five days later, the Confederate spy John Wilkes Booth shot and killed President Lincoln. In retaliation, Andrew Jackson captured and hanged "the trator" Jefferson Davis, whom he had deemed the mastermind behind the plot. Two days after that, the Confederate army, led by General Braxton Bragg, and equipped with wepons the likes of which had never been seen before, took the nation's capitol by storm.
In battle after bloody battle, the Union was consistantly pushed back, all the way to the Pennsylvanian boarder.
It was there, in the Second Battle of Gettysburg, the Union unleashed their new arsonal, once again crushing the Confederate Army in the field.
The war would drag on for twenty-six years.
With America in ruins from a three decade war, the supplier of arms for both sides made it's move, taking power, and effectivly ending democracy as we know it.
The entire war had been planned, orchistrated, and executed by the Socialist Advancement Association, led by a scientest known only as "The Architect," just so they could take power.
America lay in ruins, Lincoln assissinated, Davis hanged as a trator, democracy dead.
That was 27 years ago. Now, in 1918, America is isolated. War has torn at Europe for four years, the Germans are pushing forward every day. America dare not get involved, the fires of our own bloody revolution still burn to brightly.
"In God We Trust, All Others, We Monitor! Hail the Slaa, Hail the Architect!"
---
Well, there you have it... Thoughts? All comments are welcome, but be gentle, please, it's my first time doing something NOT Fantasy or Sci-Fi!
Also, there's alot more I've written, but it's all about the two "lovebirds" in the story, since it IS supposed to be a romance...
If you guys like the idea, please, please, PLEASE let me know!
---
Dockside Nights
The Introduction- America, But Not as She Should Be:
In April of 1861, armies of the so-called "Confederate States of America," attacked Fort Sumter in South Carolina. That would begin the Second American Revolution.
Both sides fought bloody battles, but after the South took heavy losses at Gettysburg, it was apparent that, outnumbered and underequipped, the North would prevail. On April 9th, 1865, at Appomattox Courthouse, the Southern States surrendered. It seemed as if America would survive.
Then, five days later, the Confederate spy John Wilkes Booth shot and killed President Lincoln. In retaliation, Andrew Jackson captured and hanged "the trator" Jefferson Davis, whom he had deemed the mastermind behind the plot. Two days after that, the Confederate army, led by General Braxton Bragg, and equipped with wepons the likes of which had never been seen before, took the nation's capitol by storm.
In battle after bloody battle, the Union was consistantly pushed back, all the way to the Pennsylvanian boarder.
It was there, in the Second Battle of Gettysburg, the Union unleashed their new arsonal, once again crushing the Confederate Army in the field.
The war would drag on for twenty-six years.
With America in ruins from a three decade war, the supplier of arms for both sides made it's move, taking power, and effectivly ending democracy as we know it.
The entire war had been planned, orchistrated, and executed by the Socialist Advancement Association, led by a scientest known only as "The Architect," just so they could take power.
America lay in ruins, Lincoln assissinated, Davis hanged as a trator, democracy dead.
That was 27 years ago. Now, in 1918, America is isolated. War has torn at Europe for four years, the Germans are pushing forward every day. America dare not get involved, the fires of our own bloody revolution still burn to brightly.
"In God We Trust, All Others, We Monitor! Hail the Slaa, Hail the Architect!"
---
Well, there you have it... Thoughts? All comments are welcome, but be gentle, please, it's my first time doing something NOT Fantasy or Sci-Fi!
Also, there's alot more I've written, but it's all about the two "lovebirds" in the story, since it IS supposed to be a romance...
If you guys like the idea, please, please, PLEASE let me know!
Xenos- gunner
- Number of posts : 41
Location : In the Shadows of Your Mind
Flag :
Registration date : 2010-09-13
Re: Thoughts, please?
Sounds pretty good! Just a few things, though. World War One would have been lost by Germany with or without the US involvement. They were simply over extended right from the opening battles of the war. Unless, of course, they have been armed by the Architect and Socialist Advancement Association, or the like.
Also, the United States was hardly the only place democracy existed. We had it down here in NZ, as well as up in both the UK and Canada.
But those are pretty minor points, and feel free to ignore them if you think your story works better without them.
Also, the United States was hardly the only place democracy existed. We had it down here in NZ, as well as up in both the UK and Canada.
But those are pretty minor points, and feel free to ignore them if you think your story works better without them.
Helios- crewhand
- Number of posts : 14
Age : 2022
Location : New Zealand
Flag :
Registration date : 2009-05-29
Re: Thoughts, please?
Helios wrote:Sounds pretty good! Just a few things, though. World War One would have been lost by Germany with or without the US involvement. They were simply over extended right from the opening battles of the war. Unless, of course, they have been armed by the Architect and Socialist Advancement Association, or the like.
Also, the United States was hardly the only place democracy existed. We had it down here in NZ, as well as up in both the UK and Canada.
But those are pretty minor points, and feel free to ignore them if you think your story works better without them.
I'd like to thank you, you've given my the idea to take this BEYOND the scope of what I had set out... Originally, it was going to end with a (SPOILER) and then the main character and leading lady would (SPOILER), and that would be the end of me working in this universe.
NOW, I feel I have an OBLIGATION to write about the war in Europe (admittedly, I know next to NOTHING about World War I, other than it pretty much started with the First and Second Balkan wars...), and indeed, how the Slaa (cool sounding abv. form of Socialist Advancement Association-I actually came up with the NAME to match the Acronym!), under the leadership of the Architect are sticking their fingers in THAT pie, too...
But that's a story for another time... I've still got 45,000 words to write about the romance between Xenos and Victoria (while alluding to the political unrest and perhaps hint at a rebellion)!
On the note of democracy being dead, I only ment in America. Sorry about that!
Again, thanks kindly for the review, and thank you SO much for the ideas! (why cant BG have that many faces?!?!)
Xenos- gunner
- Number of posts : 41
Location : In the Shadows of Your Mind
Flag :
Registration date : 2010-09-13
Page 1 of 1
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
|
|